Play my role

Heart and soul heart and soul
Given freely
Eaten whole
Mindless fury takes its toll
Live to please
just play my role

 

The room

In a room well-hidden

I stood inside a box

Corners of seclusion

Marked only by his thoughts

Bow down and own your choices

Senses meld to grey

Humiliation tendered

Peace for one more day

Baking, cooking and sugar plum fairies

Saturday afternoon a shiny, new stove arrived at my front door! The other stove was only nine years old but had seen much wear and tear, burners refused to turn off and heated up randomly and recently a buzzing noise from inside started catching the attention of my children. Still, I was so very grateful to have a stove as many people do not.

Stove from Osama and Jacki!

If you have followed my blog and life story then you already know that I cooked on a stove that was purchased from a flea market of sorts in downtown Riyadh. Two of the four burners functioned and both shocked me if I used any metal utensils. We lived with no beds, chairs, tables etc. for a couple of years and with the very bare necessities when we lived outside of compounds. My parents supplied any luxury items for our family (new towels, clothing, shoes, kitchen gadgets, toys)  and we fought to hang on to those. We have all learned to be grateful for the smallest of things and realize material items cannot bring happiness, but they can make life very difficult when you do not have even the basics.

I was raised in a beautiful home on six sprawling acres of pine trees and never imagined living without the basics and also the many extras that I had become accustomed to. I was unaware of the insidious cycle of abuse until it swallowed me whole and spit me back out.

But now things are different and my children are allowed to make their own choices and to be who they were meant to be.

My nine children

Meanwhile, I sit in my comfy recliner and sip coffee while visions of jelly roll, sugar cookies and fried rice dance in my head. Thoughts drift to concoctions that will be whipped up on a brand new stove!

Happy Holidays and remember that things can get better, there is always hope!

In dirt scuffed shoes

I walk the road of no regrets
Dirt scuffed shoes and poplar leaves

Fallen heroes grieve for me
Womankind stacked at my feet

Her voice calls out in unison
I sing in tandem heart bereaved

The chime says no regrets for me
A wasted form of liberty

Second time around is bliss

Many of you already know that I am a mom to nine fantastic children. But maybe you don’t know that I have five sons and four daughters. Recently Foof got married and a month before the ceremony my eldest daughter Saleeha, got engaged! As I have written in many of my true life stories, it was hard to ever imagine this joy and the idea that my girls would be able to pick their own careers, daily habits and most importantly their love interest. But here we are, two of my girls have found amazing partners and now for the second time I am overjoyed to witness them blossom, find love and build a future.

Saleeha met her intended through a friend and they share many similarities including their love for literature and writing. It has been a long road for my girl, building that trust and learning to relax and accept love and a warm and endearing heart but she is there and I couldn’t be happier.

Edison is a soft spoken Phd in Chemistry, a poet and he loves to cook! The ring he picked has a vintage look and is just what Saleeha wanted.

They have not picked a wedding date and both of them are not really into having a big bash so they will find what suits them. I am all about being yourself and doing what works for you, so whatever they chose will make me happy for them.

Edison proposed at their special place, deception pass. I posted pictures last year after they shared a romantic day there.

Recently wedding dress shopping commenced and she found the perfect fit for her! It is gorgeous. I will only show a bit of the dress so that Edison isn’t disappointed!

There is hope after the storm, there is peace and you can make it, whatever your struggle might be it can be part of your life and can make you stronger, not break you. Never would I have imagined that we would be here, back home, together and thriving. Don’t ever give up and stay true to being the best you!

Lynn

 

Book Giveaway- I want a book!

As many of you know I published my first book two weeks ago! I am hoping to help support my family, but know at best this will be a tiny supplement for our household if even that.  I am just grateful that I got the book out. It is poetry from my blog and pictures of the area where we live as well as other peaceful places. The title, Epic love Epiphany, was one of the most viewed and liked poems on my blog.  It is basically my life in poetry, my feelings and struggles with abuse and anxiety and the realization that true love is found from within. There are a few poems none of you have read and are only found in my new book.

Each week for a month I will be giving one book away. If you want to be entered in my giveaway just tell me “I want a book” in the comments section and I will draw a name next week at this time. I will mail the book as a gift to the winner and hope they will enjoy their copy.

There is also an e-book version available as well.

Thanks to everyone for your love, caring and support through our journey out of the abuse cycle. This blog was started after his last visit three years ago in June and has helped me to express things I never knew I would be able to let out and oftentimes things I didn’t even know I felt!  Thanks again!

Any reviews, shares and purchases of my book on Amazon would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

Love, Lynn

Books can be purchased here

 

First year back home

Fall 2009, just 4 months after relocating to the U.S. midnight paper route A single stream of light blanketed the room and served as a reminder to quietly roll off the mattress that mom and dad had purchased from the thrift store and rise to prepare for the morning route. A faded diploma in Speech comm. and years of being a stay at home mom made options limited when searching for employment. The two youngest children suffered from extreme separation anxiety and even a simple trip to the restroom required promises to never leave and assurances that I would return within minutes. They accompanied me to my job as a cook for a girl’s co-op on campus and so the supplemental income of a paper route or perhaps two, seemed logical and almost easy. The older kids would be in the next room sleeping and I would slip in and out without notice. Each of my two older girls agreed to help take turns and so our little adventure began.

The stack grew wider and taller and was finally deposited on the back seat of the Suburban. Cuts on fingers from winding and wrapping rubber bands had now turned to  hard rough scars, resistant to further damage or pain. Small town lights flashed yellow and red, a signal only surpassed by the harvest moon that illuminated our usual routine through darkened country roads. At first it had been tough remembering the various homes that took one of three newspapers but soon it became automatic and something that would be recalled for years to come. It seemed like a good idea at the time, an easy way to help support my family and our new life back in the States. I would be home by 5 a.m. just in time to get breakfast on and wake the two boys who attended public school.  The youngest children would not be panicked by my absence and their siblings were there in case they woke.  But now it had become a burden, gas for mom and dad’s vehicle was not worth the money made delivering the morning news. Just one more week and it would be over and back to what had become our new normal.

My new career is that of being an author! I have been a cleaner, cook and newspaper lady in addition to my favorite career-MOM! I self published my first poetry book a week ago! Thanks for your support and love!

I will be giving away a book each week for a month starting next week. My e-book can also be purchased for a fairly low price on Amazon.

Click here to purchase

 

Top of the hill

This is the view at the top of the hill
as I turn the corner each day to walk

Just as I lose focus

And round the stand still bend

No reason for elation

Assigned and taken in

Majestic views of nature

Colors from the past

Remind me to be grateful

For I am free at last

Published!

Osama was scheduled to attend training in Vegas! It was a chance for Jacki to accompany him and get some much needed time away! When we went for the first birthday party last Saturday, we brought three special little ones back with us for the week. Yesterday, bags, bottles and toys were all stacked by the door and Mommy and Daddy arrived to take their babies home in the morning.

After goodbye waves, hugs and kisses, it was time to get back to real life and final touches on the book. I made a promise to myself a few months back that I would publish my poetry book and then get back to work on the big book about our life in Saudi and the struggle to be free! It has been a fun and challenging process to work on the book. This morning I received an email telling me that my book was now available!

Any shares, likes, reviews and support are greatly appreciated!  Thanks for being on this journey with me! It’s time to get back to work on the other book.

Now that the babies are back home I will be visiting my friends here on wordpress and catching up with everyone.

Love,

Lynn

Princess birthday

It is hard to believe that Alayna is already turning one. This week the feisty, beautiful little princess will start a new phase of life and we are blessed to watch it unfold. On Saturday we made our way over to Osama and Jacki’s where family and friends gathered to celebrate this occasion. Guests arrived and placed presents on the counter while the boys played with balloons and Alayna practiced walking.

Meanwhile Daddy spent his time in the kitchen preparing homemade pasta for his little girl. This is one of her favorite things to eat and he decided from scratch was best!

The pasta was a big hit and soon afterwards cake was served.

Everyone was in a celebratory mood and it was evident that the party was a big success

Happy birthday dear Princess